Sunday, October 17, 2010

Assorted tweets

So, 6 posts in 2010 so far against 84 in the whole of '10... Somehow, blogging has taken a backseat. For now, at least. Might as well share what I twate over the last few days:

Corollary: Pedophiles love nursery rhymes. RT @: Every girl is a poem.
I don't get South Indian slang well... Does 'Kal Madi' mean 'do it tomorrow'?
We men made a huge mistake by sporting bare chests all the time. If we had not, there would've been a huge premium attached to men's chests!
I pay @ 30 bucks a month so that my callers can hear "Is caller tune ko copy karne ke liye pehle star dabaiye phir 9 dabaiye"
Did you hear about the English professor who was against verb? He was pro-noun though!
Why do they call it DoubleU? Shouldn't it be DoubleV?
Notice how much MNS sounds like 'Am An Ass'

:)

Wednesday, July 14, 2010

Shikha and Sanjay #8

[Shikha has been offered a year-long stint in Singapore. Shikha tells Sanjay that she’s not going as she needs to give him time while he is still looking for a job.]

SANJAY
What? I’m fine! Let it go, Shikh.

SHIKHA
Would you let go, Sanjay? Would you leave me all by myself, looking for a job just for some random opportunity at work? Would you leave me lonely and depressed, Sanjay?

SANJAY
Whoa! Who said I am depressed?

SHIKHA
Not exactly, but… umm… See, I don’t want you to be alone, okay?

SANJAY
Don’t be crazy, Shikh! I’m not alone. I have Gopal and Rajan. Besides, this is a great opportunity. You’ll grow faster with this kind of experience. You’ll earn more, which means more beer for me while I’m still without a job.

SHIKHA
Shut up, Sanjay!

SANJAY
No, you shut up and listen to me… I’m going to fill this in and send it through.
Let’s see… First Name: Shikha…

SHIKHA
Sanjay stop it!

SANJAY
Oh, look at this box… Husband’s Name…

SHIKHA
…Sanjay!

SANJAY
That’s right! Last Name…

SHIKHA
…Sanjay, I’m pregnant!

[Pause. The pen slips from Sanjay’s hand, sliding on the form, almost marking a ‘1’ under the ‘Number of Children’ box. Sanjay takes turns looking at Shikha and the form in disbelief]

SANJAY
You are… what?

SHIKHA
Pregnant! I’m pregnant, Sanjay!

SANJAY
But how is that possible? I mean…

SHIKHA
[Laughs] …you mean you’re not man enough to get a woman pregnant?

SANJAY
Shhh… stop repeating the P word, Shikh.

SHIKHA
Sanju, this is not the best way to react to the news, you know!

SANJAY
Alright, I am sorry! But I wasn’t really expecting this, you know. I am not ready… Shit! This is so unplanned!

SHIKHA
I knew you weren’t ready, darling. That’s why I had planned on gradually getting you into it before I tell you. But you, with this form and all, you left me with no choice.

SANJAY
[Stares at her for a while, takes the form and sits next to her]
Alright, relax! I just wanted the best for you. I didn’t know I was putting you through so much stress.
[Sanjay tears off the letter and the form]
See, you don’t have to worry about it now.

[Shikha smiles]

SANJAY
And I’m sorry about my reaction. I’m glad we’re… pregnant!

SHIKHA
No, we are not!

SANJAY
What?! But you just… oh!

SHIKHA
You left me no choice, darling!

SANJAY
Shikha! I really wanted you to take up the opportunity… Why? Why would you lie to your own husband?

SHIKHA
Isn’t my husband happy that we don’t have a baby coming?

SANJAY
[Laughs] Well, to be honest, I am!

SHIKHA
Great! Now that I’ve made you happy, you’re taking me shopping tomorrow.

SANJAY
No, I cannot!

SHIKHA
Why?

SANJAY
I’m pregnant!

SHIKHA
[Giggles]
No baby, that’s the beer you’ve been drinking!

[She punches him in the tummy. He hugs her. Mush follows.]


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The story of a couple living the Great Indian Dream... Shikha and Sanjay are both MBAs for a year, married for a year and in love for a little longer than that.

Check out the previous posts in this series here: 'Shikha + Sanjay'

Sunday, July 04, 2010

Whose Bandh is it anyway?

Isn't it funny? The same party that couldn't check the rising prices of onion back in '98 is now complaining about the already increase in highly subsidised fuel rates.

This TOI update on tomorrow's proposed bandh across the country, quotes L K Advani saying,
"This may be the first time in history of India's politics that almost all political parties will participate in the Bharat Bandh"
Further, he 'gives credit to NDA Convenor and JD(U) President Sharad Yadav for bringing together even the non-NDA political parties for the one-day strike.'

I can not find a better example of national integration - All the parties of the opposition coming together to decide that the rest of us should not go to work this Monday.

And while TOI reports protest against the hike in fuel prices as the reason for this one-day strike, I saw some Shiv Sena banners fine-tuning the same to their own audience by cribbing about the rising vegetable prices.

Whatever be their motivation, the aam aadmi has no option but to stay home for the day. And since that means having a long weekend, I don't think we have a problem with that really, what say?

Monday, February 08, 2010

Rebel Inside

Reverse psychology...

(Translation: Please do not spit here, observe cleanliness)

...wonder if it works the other way round.

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Related: 'Now where shall I stick this one?'. Also, check out rest of the 'Seen Somewhere' series here.

Tuesday, January 26, 2010

Documents for Breakfast

Happy Republic Day.

Most Indians have a day off today. I went to office though. Correction: I returned from office today. At a time when I'd reach office on a normal day.

23 hours, copy-pasting numbers and formulae. That's what I do these days...
Spreadsheets and slideshows fill my days. And nights. Is this life? I mean, I love marketing for sure. A brand is like your baby and I sure can be a good father. Just not the kind of father who likes writing too much about his kid.

I struggle to use all the reserve energy in getting a ride back home. But eventually, I have to get down. And walk through that lane where the auto cannot enter. I pay him three five-rupee coins. The auto driver gets his bohni. I get on my feet and walk into a one-way street. In the opposite direction.

Somehow, I reach home. the guest house. It's a tough choice between waiting for a cup of tea and submitting myself to sleep. But then, I see my colleagues, fathers of other children, who stayed up for much of the night themselves. And they're just through a third, or less, of all that I just completed. The reports are due on Wednesday morning.

"Happy Republic Day", I wish them, with a grin almost as wide as the one I had the day I landed this job. It is always good to know that you're not the only one suffering.

Happiness is relative.